if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
