I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
