i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize