Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
