dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
