So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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