Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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