lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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