After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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