You made me cry and you don't even care
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize