I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Semen is not good for contacts.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
