If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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