I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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