We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
pray to the hookup gods
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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