she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
