i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
