either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
