Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
