I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
