So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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