I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
