Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
