I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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