i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
