That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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