i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
