someone get that fucking seahorse.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
