im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
