We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
