i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
well you can't waste a boner
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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