i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
