the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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