We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize