Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
