can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
