dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
