Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
