I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
