If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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