He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
