my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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