that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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