i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you inspire me to be a worse person
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
