Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
