i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
