Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you would pick up someone in the library
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize