I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
