the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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