This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
