John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
