its not stalking. its research.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
