4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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