remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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