like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
