So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
3 2 1 whiskey
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
