"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
