I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
