not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
In other news, I just burned my penis
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
