I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
