to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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