If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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