i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
