The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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