If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
