genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
