The maid of honor just puked.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
