I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
